Fail post. Wrangling buffalo and drama queens.

Okay. So. I haven't spoken of the lifestyle change/diet/losing weight adventure lately, and that's because I went into serious failure the week before Halloween. It's not permanent failure, but definitely a setback. It's so freaking easy to slide back into bad habits after just one really terrible awful no good very bad day. And that is exactly what happened. A very close friend of mine delivered some really terrible news, and it scared me. As in, our situations are very similar in ways, and I freaked out that I may experience what she's going through, and I immediately headed for the brownies. Basically she has found out that after losing weight there were toxins in her body that concentrated into her system as she lost weight and it has made her very very VERY sick. So I freaked out a bit. I know that partially it's just my mindset. Her circumstances are certainly different than mine are, but I also have to bear in mind that I am not the most conscious of eaters. I know that junk food and fast food is bad for me, but that hasn't stopped me from eating it when I'm in a hurry. I know that there are terrible things in foods treated with pesticides, and meats from massive factories. I am fairly well informed. Every time we start to make the switch to organic eats, we just can't afford to make the switch.. That may sound like an excuse I guess, but it is what it is. Maybe I'm not dedicated enough. Maybe I'm not scared enough. Maybe it's just easier to buy a bag or frozen chicken nuggets and a pre-made bag of salad for dinner on a busy night. Whatever the reason may be, it freaked me out to learn what my friend is going through. What if all these things (which I know I've let enter my body, even though they're bad) don't leave my system when I lose all the weight that I need to in order to be healthy? Could this journey actually do me more harm than good? I freaked out and ate terrible things like a terrible person for a week solid, then I ate about half of the kids Halloween candy. Now I've gained back most of the 9 pounds I had managed to lose the two weeks prior, and am basically back at square one. I'm certainly not proud of this moment, and I'm not giving up either, but I am looking into ways to detoxify my body. I want to be able to do this without being terrified. I am also making more conscious decisions about what we buy and eat as a family. No, we can't really afford to switch to an all organic diet right now, but we can start the process and by next year we will be in a much better position financially to maintain it. I will lose this weight. I just have to work this out in the beginning of this process. If I don't, it may be too late.

I other news on the homefront, my poor sweet children are making me absolutely insane these days. Seriously. Izaak has been sick on and off (mostly on) for almost the last month. The doctor said it was laryngitis, but it's looking less and less like laryngitis because it wont freaking go away! The poor child has had the same cough and rattle for weeks, and the remedies we're supposed to do feel impossible. Have you ever tried to make a four ear old boy who doesn't think he's sick RELAX? It's damn near impossible... like wrangling wild buffalo impossible. Seriously. He is finally well enough to go back to school, because he's not contagious, but he's still not fully better yet either. It's absolutely frustrating as a mother to not be able to fix my child. I want to just cuddle him up and make him all better and let that be the end of it. Unfortunately we've been cuddling up with vaporizer and juice for the last three solid weeks with almost no improvement. If he's not better by the end of this week then I'll be taking him to a new and different doctor then. Why wait? You ask. We're broke. Got about $4 and a co-pay of $40. Not complaining, but it is what it is. It just has to wait. I'll update you more on Izaak as we figure it out. As for darling Evie... She's in temper tantrum mode these days. I know, that I know, that I know, that she gets the Drama Queen Gene from me, but that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with. Every single thing that happens throughout the day that goes not quite the way she expects it to, is met with an onslaught of screaming and tears and over-emotional hair throwing. Did I mention that for some reason nothing seems to go the way she expects these days? it's hard to figure out what she wants when she refuses to explain or tell anyone what she wants. We're just supposed to know and serve her as she wishes. Telepathy would be an awesome asset at this point. Since I'm not telepathic it usually ends in me screaming and yelling back and then sending her to her room. I told you she got it honestly. I always feel like a terrible parent/person/human being, and end up cuddling the tears away. Then afterwards when she's throwing another screaming fit, for God only knows what reason, I'm wishing I could strangle her, and that I'd not given in a few hours before. I know I need to grow a backbone, so wish me luck with that folks. 

And since I can hear her breaking into the candy bowl as we speak, I'd better finish this up. For every word I write she's probably eating a lollipop as quickly as possible... TTFN!

Happy Halloween!

I absolutely adore Halloween, I honestly think it's my favorite holiday. When I was younger it was about the candy (of course), as I grew up it became about the idea that I could be whoever I wanted for just one night (and still a bit about candy, I assure you.) Now that I'm a mother it's about transforming my sweet babies into whatever they want to be for the night (and about getting whatever I want out of their candy! Lol!). Seriously though, It was my 21st birthday when i found out that I was pregnant with Izaak. I was partially freaked out and devastated (because it was definitely not part of my plan!) but once I calmed down I was so excited... I was so... young minded. Not to say that I was too young to be bearing and raising a child, but I was definitely not ready for it when I first found out. The pregnancy was exciting (as you know if you've read my previous posts) and the first few weeks and even months after he was born were so surreal and amazing. Don't get me wrong they were also scary and frustrating at times, but I honestly didn't "feel" like a "Mom." I felt like... a kid playing house with my doll... Not a lot changed for me. I worked hard before he was born and I worked even hard after he got here, so there wasn't a spectacularly drastic lifestyle change or anything like that. The first time I seriously felt like a "Mom" was Izaak's second Halloween. (His first Halloween he was only two weeks old, so I was still in the whole surreal stage.) He was dressed as a puppy, just barely over a year old, and I was about 3 months pregnant with Evie. I put him in this little red wagon and drug him all over town. We took pictures at the fire station with the fire trucks, and had to feed him dum dum pops constantly to keep him in the wagon. I took him home early, fed him, bathed him, put him to bed early, and sat on my front porch and handed out candy to all the little trick-or-treaters... and at that moment, with the door cracked so that I could hear my baby if he woke up, in the cool comfortable golden light of a gorgeous fall evening, with my cup of coffee and bowl of treats... I felt like a Mom. It just hit me. The realization that my happiness no longer came from myself, or from the things that I did for myself, but that they were so completely centered in on that sweet little sleeping boy in the house. It happened without me even being conscious of the change. I had grown from a self-centered young woman who did what made her feel good in order to be happy, into a mother. A woman who puts everything about her child first, not because she has to, but because THAT is what makes her happy. This is the real reason that I am so in love with Halloween.

So, of course I took the time out to make my children Halloween costumes. They turned out to be completely adorable, and I am super freaking proud of them!

Evie wanted to be a pretty pretty pink pink princess. (That's exactly what she told me, folks. Exactly.)

So that's exactly what she got! This is the first time she wore it, and it was gorgeous, but a bit too big and a tiny bit too long, so I altered it and added some more fullness to the skirt. :D

Heavenly and magical. Halloween is my favorite!!!

Izaak wanted to be The Flash. (After MUCH deliberation, that is. He was almost Batman, or a spider, but finally settled on being The Flash. I thought he was NEVER going to decide! Lol!)

He's so tough and strong!!! <3

He kept twisting his mask around on his face, but I loooooovvvvve this picture anyways! 

He's so freaking cute! <3 <3 <3 

Happy Halloween, folks!